As someone that often falls into perfectionist thinking, I struggle focusing on successes. Instead, I check it off and move on to the next thing. If I fail though, I spend days focusing on what I could have done better. This has led me to have a very skewed view of my own achievement, with the failures far outweighing the successes, despite the failures often being the things that show me how to succeed in the future.
I first recognized this skew in my self-assessment when I was about 20 years old. I was going through yet another sever bought of depression, in the midst of making one of the more difficult decisions I’ve made in my life. While I was in the process of deciding to give up on my declared major, Chemistry, I was deep in a mire of self-hate. I spent nearly all day, every day, thinking about why I was not doing well, why I wasn’t succeeding no matter how hard I tried. I thought about how disappointed my family would be. Continue reading